Comment
A year ago, we experienced one of the heaviest losses in our HERD family. Little Phabeni, a brave and beloved rescue elephant calf, passed away after a long and delicate battle with his health. He was just shy of his first birthday.
For seven months, we fought beside him through every up and down, celebrating each small milestone, holding hope tightly in every moment of progress and comforting him in his most vulnerable hours. Despite all the care, love and support from his human and elephant family, his little body could not overcome the many challenges it faced.
His passing was deeply felt by all of us. Adine, his carers, the HERD Team, supporters around the world and especially by his adoptive elephant mother, Setombe, who had embraced him with such fierce, protective love. The grief has been as complex as it has been profound, and the months since have been filled with moments of remembrance, reflection and healing.
Today, one year later, we take a moment to honour Phabeni’s memory and to hold space for the little life that meant so much to so many. The loss remains, but so does the love. And in that, he continues to live on.
Below is a letter from our founder, Adine Roode. It is a letter to Phabeni. Tender, raw, unfiltered, capturing not only the depth of love we held for him, but also the honest, aching journey of grief we’ve walked in the wake of his absence.
It is one year since you left this world.
You would have turned two this year.
We still miss you, my little BeniPeni.
We’ve clung to your memories, your spirit, your smell.
We still have conversations about you.
Setombe and me.
Tokwe and me.
But also Kumbura, and of course your older sister, Meisiekind.
Okay, maybe it’s just me chatting, reminding them of things you did.
I still apologise to them, because how could they have known everything you went through that dark night?
When Stavros and I spooned with you,
Soothingly stroking you and whispering in your ear,
Making promises not to give up on you.
We didn’t give up on you.
Your body gave up.
How could we have known that septicaemia was fighting against our promises?
I am so sorry, little BeniPeni.
They say time heals.
But we don’t know what it’s like to stand in Setombe, Tokwe, or Kumbura’s shoes.
(Not that they have shoes, but that’s just the idiom we humans use.)
People mean well.
But we aren’t elephants.
And at the end of the day, we don’t speak your rumbles or your language.
We say to each other, and to Setombe and Tokwe, that at least you’re no longer suffering.
We talk about closure.
That maybe if we get a new orphan, it will reduce the pain.
That pain,
It strikes your heart like a spear.
It’s so intense, you hold your breath and hope it goes away.
But here’s the thing.
We, as humans, don’t really know the pain Setombe experiences.
Or the thoughts Tokwe might have,
Thoughts wrapped in doubt, not trusting us,
Like when she lost her whole elephant family in Zimbabwe.
We’re supposed to look after the planet.
The wildlife, the plants, the ecology, the oceans and all that’s within.
But we don’t.
We let the planet die.
We went back to normal.
The day you died, we went back to normal as if nothing happened.
But something big happened.
Death came.
And life continued as if we hadn’t lost you,
And Kenneth,
To the black hole of grief.
We can’t carry you in our lives anymore.
But we carry you in our hearts.
It’s heavy.
And sometimes light,
As memories come alive and shine with angel smiles that dance through the leaves and grass.
The way you used to open your ears, trying to scare off anyone and anything,
Away from your adoptive mother and her entourage.
Then you’d hurry back to feed with her.
Your trunk was still lousy, but to us you were the best.
We measured your activity and were proud of you, alongside Setombe and the herd.
Your adoptive mum missed you a lot.
She carried on though, because she had to.
She’s still alive.
She has Klaserie and the rest of the herd.
She’s begun to spend all her time with Klaserie again.
We noticed this.
We were relieved.
She didn’t tell us her feelings.
We guessed.
Humanising it.
Elephants are intelligent, sentient beings.
So we reflect our feelings onto your species.
We try to understand.
But do we?
Do we listen to your rumbles, or do we just hear them?
I sat with Setombe again last week.
I told her the things I could remember.
She listened.
I think she understood.
She came and smelled my shoes.
She let the smell linger in her trunk.
She smelled and gripped my foot again to get a better angle.
Her trunk dripped to increase her smell.
They were the shoes I wore with you.
I can’t smell you anymore.
She can.
Setombe can.
We sat together.
Okay, she stood.
But I guess I just sat and listened to her feeding next to me.
We were feeding our own memories.
I just want her to stand by me.
To walk next to me.
To share with me the wonderful memories of you.
Just let us be.
An odd pair. Man and elephant.
We can’t carry you in our lives anymore.
But we carry you in our hearts.
We love you, Phabeni.
We always will.
You don’t know how grief rearranges every part of you.
You don’t know how long the silence lasts after everyone else goes back to normal.
You don’t know what it’s like to carry someone in your heart because you can no longer carry them in your life.
So, if you haven’t been there yet, I’m truly glad.
I hope that day doesn’t come for you for a very, very long time.
But please,
Don’t tell me how I should be grieving.
Don’t tell me what joy should look like right now.
Just sit with me.
Walk beside me.
Or let me be.
I can’t believe it was a year ago, my heart was broken so I can’t imagine what you all went through, especially Setombe. I think of Phabeni a lot and hope he is playing in heaven with those who went before him. He will never be forgotten and will always be loved 🥰
Thank you for your love Sue.
Esta comunicación me partió hoy el corazón. Amaba a este elefantito.
Ons almal se harte het saam met julle s’n gebreek daai dag en vandag breek dit weer. In die woorde van Jodi Picoult : If you think about someone you’ve lost and lost you are already with them, the rest is just details.
Dankie Li-anne! Ons waardeer jou liefde.
So beautiful and still so raw . What a special little fellow he was . I still think about him so often . Sending you all huge love . Thank you for sharing ✨🙏🌸❤️
Yes Lucy, he was so special. Thank you.
No need to apologize, yourself, carers, staff and the herd itself showed Phabeni absolute love. It’s a harsh world/environment you all live in and unfortunately sometimes it is just not meant to be. Just shows how much of a miracle Khanyisa was and continues to be.
Thank you for understanding Paul.
Beautiful moving piece from the heart,
In loving memory of Phabeni, xxx
Thank you Amanda, xxx
This letter to our precious Phabeni is absolutely beautiful💕. he is still with you all in spirit even though it’s not the same as being there with you physically. you became his family and I know he loves you ALL. .. I know that he does know that you tried and he is loved always.
I feel your grief and send you love. We carry on because we must. ❤️
Thank you Elizabeth!
Adine, what a lovely letter. Our hearts all over the world grieved for lil P. He was an angel on earth and will look over his whole tribe from heaven. He was a gift while with you and the elies. Take care of yourself, your family and the amazing animals you take care of with your dedicated team. Thank you
Thank you Margaret. Take care of yourself too!
What a wonderful heartfelt letter….Thank you Adine and everyone at Herd for your love and care of Little Phabeni and for allowing us the opportunity to follow you on his journey …because of this, the love and happy memories of him will remain in the hearts and minds of so. many around the world…Sweet sleep little one…🐘
Thank you for being with us on this journey, Kathy
Your tribute to Phabeni, Adine, is so very beautiful, tears are running down my cheeks, while reading. Fenja as well touched my heart so much. Keep going, wish you all the very best!
Thank you Alscher. All the best to you.
I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine how painful this must be. Like loosing a child. I watched him grow and all his little antics and my heart is still broken. But my pain is from afar. You live it close up. My prayers for healing for both you the “humans” as well as the wonderful HERD. Thank you for all you do caring and loving them.
Thank you Leann, it is a great loss. We appreciate your prayers.
Such a beautiful letter to sweet Phabeni. Thank you for sharing with us and thank you for all you do and endure to make our planet a loving and caring home for all. ❤️
Thank you Lisa, the support of people like you make it possible
you express beautiful on grief 😔 I it’s a comforting to share your sorrow and joyful moments of lil man phebani. although I am thousands of miles from you I reach out in a virtual hug 🫂 take care ,he is eating apples 🍎 and being at peace. XOXO
CYNTHIA
Thank you Cynthia!
Adine – this is not merely a letter to Phabeni, this is an embrace, a poem. While nobody can experience another person’s pain, this ode to a small elephant, describing the immense love and care he received throughout his short life gave the reader a measure of your grief, touched on the intensity of your loss . It is no comfort that far away, on another continent someone took the journey with you again, shared your hurt, remembered Setombe’s anguish, and felt for everyone who mourned that brave little warrior.
A beautifully worded memento mori to a little elephant who touched hearts all over the world. The meaning of Phabeni’s loss to the herd we cannot comprehend, but they will draw comfort from you – even if details get lost in translation.
Thank you for your beautiful message Gabrielle
I’m crying so hard right now. Sending hugs to Adine, Starves and the entire team at HERD. Of course special hugs for the Ellies who only know the true pain of their loss. I wish our tears could heal…….
Thank you for the hugs Kim
Thank you – so poignant and heart-string pulling. I too think of Phabeni often as well as Setombe..
A loving memory can never be erased.
Adine that was a beautiful letter to beautiful Phabeni. His life and his death left a everlasting mark and I’m so sorry he can’t still be with you and Setombe and all. 💖🥰🌈
Thank you Patricia, we grieve along with you.
Thank you so much for your beautiful letter.
Grieving is such a long journey …
Viviane
Thank you Viviane!
So sorry for your loss. And mine. Thank you to all involved with Herd. You are making a difference for our friends and the world at large. Rest in peace little one.
Thank you Jay, we appreciate your support
What a wonderful and touching tribute to our beloved Phabeni – an elephant I adopted and adored – brought me to tears! I continue to support HERD in every way I can. Kudos to you all for the hard work of loving these beautiful animals. Being from India originally, I have an affinity for elephants!!💕
Thank you Susheela, we appreciate your support and love! Kudos to you too
What a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to Phabeni. I felt your sorrow & your emptiness and I’m positive each & everyone feels it too!! All of the herd feels your love, dedication and committment to their well being and I’m sure they feel the same about you & all those who care & love without condition!!
Thank you isn”t enough
Continued love & support, Pam
Thank you Pam! Your support and love makes it possible to continue
Adine, thank you for sharing your heart and memories of Phabeni. I cried when I read your letter and looked at photos of him in remembrance. The grief of all of you must feel so heavy and sad. All of you are in my heart including the elephants. His memory is one of love.
We will carry you.
Thank you Snyder! Your support and love makes all the difference.
what a beautiful tribute to a very special little man, he stole all our hearts.
He was loved and cared for by everyone, especially Adine and his carers
He will never be forgotten ♥️
Thank you Catherine!
I didn’t think today would be more tearful than every other day. In May of 2023, at the age of 76, I lost my very first dog, a 70kg Neapolitan Mastiff that over 11 years, became part of me. Even a minute spent away from Gina seemed endless. Phabeni became a sweet refuge from the terrible pain. Every day, I checked on his status. Like many around the world, I hoped and hoped and prayed every god that this innocent, perfect creature would grow before our admiring eyes. I tried to enter the brave hearts of Adine and the carers to make them feel they were not alone. But that morning, when the news sprung like a vicious monster, that morning when Phabeni’s adorable being could no longer be, all fell apart. I still cry for him as I do for Gina. I never touched him, I never smelled him, I never felt his rumbles but he entered my heart and soul like no other far away friend ever had. …..I hope you have found dear Spotty in that heaven that humans seem to think exists. If it doesn’t, it should. Dankie.
Dear Michel, we hope Gina, Spotty and Phabeni are all together. Please take care and remember we are all together in spirit
To Phabeni
One year without you , not forgotten , never forgotten .
Still in love , still in my heart , forever in my heart .
Still missed , forever missed .
Grateful for all you gave , for all you brought .
Roam in peace … untill we meet again .
Thank you for your beautiful message Lieve.
My heart feels the profound sadness of your loss,, through your words. Phebani must have felt profound love and safety with you, the carers, Setombe and the herd. I’m grateful to you for loving and caring for him and all the elephants at the herd. God bless you.
Thank you Linda. It is our honour to take care of these amazing elephants.
Beautiful and spot on, Adine. You capture the essence and rawness of grief. Thank you for sharing your letter to Phabeni with us all. I, for one, walk beside you.
Dear Jackie, thank you for joining us on this difficult road.
Thank you, Adine. May memories of Phabeni continue to light the way.
With you and Septombe in spirit,
Carolyn
Thank you for standing with us and Setombe in spirit, Carolyn
What a beautiful letter ❤️. That little munchkins touched our hearts to the very core and he is so sorely missed 💔. We still have a giggle at his little mischievous nature. Hopefully Phabeni and Spotty are playing together over the rainbow bridge. It is hard to believe it is a year. Always remembered and missed 💝 and forever in our hearts 💕 🐘
Thank you Michele, he made us laugh too.
Adine, you have such a special gift, one that is as natural as nature itself. You give so much to the world of wildlife, and I am sure you will get your blessing for it. Rest peacefully little Phabeni, the rest of your herd will always miss you, Adine and all the staff at Herd will always miss you to ♥
Thank you Sam!
Love you Adine.. a beautiful letter that helps me grieve also.. thank you for enriching my life with a HERD and a heart.. God Bless you and all your efforts.. I’m doing all I can over here in Texas to be a good participant along side you on our earth… Mickey
Thank you Mickey, give our love to Texas
I remember her well. I am so very sorry to hear of her death. She was a very special elephant, and fought so hard. I feel deeply for Setombe and the herd I know they all miss her. I know her spirit lives on in all our hearts and the herd. I believe one day we will see her again with out pain. Rest in Peace little one. We all miss you and will live in all our hearts
Thank you Theresa for keeping Phabeni and Setombe in your heart.
What a truly beautiful tribute for a very special little elle and the human and elephant herd that supported, cared and loved him. I still have”Phabeni” as the name of one of my mailboxes in my email. I, too, will always carry that sweetness that was our Beni-peni in my heart. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us as well.
Thank you for loving our Beni-peni, Colleen.
This is so touching… it brought me to tears. Phabeni was indeed loved by many!
Yes Donnan, he was loved by many
Dear Adine,
I get you, you’re not alone in this journey. I walk beside you, in this life that is so different from before, seems normal but it’s not, and is difficult to grasp.
With love and appreciation,
Moira
Thank you Moira for walking this road with us!
Dear Adine and all who cared for dear Phabeni,
I had no idea that when I became one of many who adopted baby Phabeni I would be moved into such an incredible journey. I have grieved him along with you as I watched the care you all gave him. He still lives on in my life and heart, and as sad as his outcome was, I don’t regret being a part of the Herd community for one minute.
Many thanks and blessings to all of you. I pray one day if another rescue comes along, it will be as successful as the other elephants you have nurtured into the Herd.
Kate
Thank you Kate for your support and love!
Beautiful, Adine.
Thank you Sheri
Dear Adine, Magic it was, and it still is, that beautiful creature stirring the hearts if so many, but most of all of its mothers, carers and all te ones that worked for him. He was found abandoned, yes, but then he got loved so much and he knew it for sure. We xo not need to say goodbye to him, as you also say in your letter, but stay close to him instead, carry on and do the best we can, for him and for his family.
Dear Jacqueline, you are so right. They are Magic
I think of little Phabeni often. I remember watching the video of his last night and how everyone tried to help him. It was very traumatic to watch. I could not sleep for several nights and I fell so sad imagining the pain he experienced in the last moments of his life. I felt so sorry for Setombe and all of the beautiful herd. I went on to adopt beautiful Setombe. Will you post a photo of the flower that was planted in Phabeni’s memory.
Thank you for remembering this beautiful little ellie.
And, thank you to all of HERD .
That is so special Veronica! Please send the photo to pr@herd.org.za
Adine…..we are beside you…we are silently listening…we are watching with tender eyes you and the herd and the carers. Our hearts were crushed when you ALL lost Phabeni, when we lost Phabeni. Please know our hearts are healing by the love we have for each and every elephant still there walking with you.
Thank you Bonnie for standing with Adine and HERD.
What a beautiful letter. Phabeni is the reason I began following you on Facebook. Your posts of him kept popping up on my feed & I just fell in love with him & the rest of the herd! The post showing his tiny tusks that had just started to grow will be forever in my mind. I really couldn’t believe how upset I was when I found out he had gone, really began sobbing, as I am now. He will be in my heart forever. You & the fantastic work you do ensured his last months were full of love & joy! A special little elephant surrounded by special loving people & of course elephants. You’re all amazing! Thank you. ❤️🐘
Dear Jen, Phabeni gained followers with big heart everywhere. Glad you are still with us!
So moving in tears what a beautiful little soul
Thank you Kirsty!
I am thinking of you Adine, all the carers and Phabeni’s elephant family. I know the path of grief. That feeling when you realise your heart is physically aching and your whole being is cringing. I also carry Phabeni and all of you in my heart. All the best with your wonderful work. Much love ❣️
Thank you Ria, your support means so much!
Adine I was not going to read this because I cannot watch his videos still I can’t them but I support you. If the big C had not attacked my husband I would have been on the next flight out to hug you and the carer. Now he can’t fly. Love from Lynne
Thank you Lynne! All our love to you and your husband!
Dear Adine, thank you for your heartfelt tribute to Phabeni. I have not been able to read it until today because I too feel his loss even after this past year. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you, who knew him so well and spent so much time with him must feel. I only knew him through the posts and photos and
stories, but he meant a lot to me and still does. My heart also aches for him, for you, for all the carers, and especially for Setombe and the rest of the herd. Loss is never easy but can make us more aware and attuned to those who live around us, and appreciate them even more. I pray for each of you as you continue to grieve, each in his own way. One never truly gets over the loss and pain of death, but it can become easier over time, and we must continue to cherish those we still have as a tribute to those we’ve lost.
Blessings to you on your journey.
Thank you Nanette. Blessings to you too!
what a beautiful tribute, Adine! You say it so completely. Phabeni came so quickly, love for this tiny cherub came even more quickly, Capturing the heart by surprise. unfortunately, so came his heartbreaking early departure. still remember you, Phabeni….you can still bring a tear to my cheek. thank you all at HERD. God bless!!!
Thank you Leisa. He captured all our hearts.
I am sorry , I the tears are as fresh as the days it happened, you all had to go through so much pain in your hearts. I felt here it in Canada. He wasn’t here long but he sure made an impact 💔❤️🩹💔Phabeni❤️💙
Thank you Marlene. He really did make a huge impact.
Grief comes swiftly, doesn’t knock, and never leaves. The piercing pain is one that lessens for most of the time, but is never too deep to shoot through your heart again! You and Setombe and the entire herd shared a love for Phabeni, as did many of us. Take the time you need and keep Phabeni’s love in your heart as you and the Carers watch over his herd. They need you always, as did he, and you were there! He is with you still.
Thank you David, we appreciate your kind words.
Adine, how beautiful a letter that you wrote down in your pain and anguish of grief. No one knows this pain you’re walking in. Everyone grieves differently. But I’m glad you found the peacefulness to sit down with Septombre. Just her smelling your shoes and remembering Phabenis scent made me cry. I’m not in your shoes but what I know of you through your videos you are a very strong heartfelt woman who Carrie’s a big burden on your shoulders along with all the other elephant carers. Taking care of all these orphans and maintaining them is a huge endeavor. But somehow God provides for your Herd. And gives you many angels to help you. Bless you and your family there. And I mean all your workers and your beautiful angel companions.
Peace to you and everyone there .
Sincerely Tina Giordano. U.S.A
Thank you Tina, bless you too!
Thank you so much for your beautiful letter Adine. We all love and miss Phabeni as you all at HERD. We saw all the hard work you all put it to care for the beautiful fragile baby and in the end it was too much for him.
Thank you much for take care of this beautiful creatures. My love and support for you guys will always be be with you all.
Sending much love ❤️💖 and lots of hugs 🤗
We miss Phabeni so much. People all around the world grieved for this wonderful baby boy. Love remains, and so does appreciation for this adorable baby that touched our lives.